Human sexuality is on a spectrum, and when it comes to fulfilling sexual desires of all kinds, there should be a sex toy for everyone. That’s the best part about sex tech—there’s always something interesting popping up on the market. Groove Thing is the latest, launching as a Kickstarter today, and the company markets it as the “world’s first internal music player.”
It blends high-fidelity audio of your favorite songs with internal vibrations. As a sex toy reviewer and former college radio DJ, I was immediately game. The company sent me a prototype version to test ahead of the Kickstarter launch—this isn’t a full review because it’s a preproduction unit, and WIRED doesn’t like to make definitive statements on crowd-funded products until the company starts shipping to customers. Groove Thing is a new company, and like all Kickstarter launches, there’s a risk it can’t deliver. That said, this internal music player is in a class of its own.
Groovy Vibrations
When I opened the package, I immediately understood why Groove Thing’s PR team kept calling it the “Ugly Box,” because the hardware was ugly, crude, and unrefined. Sex tech has come such a long way, and people expect their toys, whether they’re vibrators, dildo, or butt plugs, to be aesthetically pleasing. But this is a prototype, so I’ll give it a pass. The company assures me the final version will look better and slightly different from what I received.
There’s the main speaker with a dial on the side, as well as a round puck and two small speakers on top. There are also two internal attachments: one for vaginal use and the other for anal use. These attachments adhere to the puck and are then inserted into the body. Neither of these internal pieces was made of body-safe plastic (the final product will be), so Groove Thing included a big bag of condoms and lube packets so I could safely test the system. I didn’t care for the shape of the butt plug, so I stuck to the G-spot stimulator. From the looks of the bulbous head, I knew it was the best fit for me, in comfort and stimulation.
Per the instructions, I plugged the Groove Thing into the wall (yes, you need to be decently close to an outlet), paired it to my phone via Bluetooth, and inserted the condom-wrapped G-spot vibrator into me. The attachment connects to the speaker, too, which means fussing with a cable.
As the instructions suggested, I tried the introductory playlist. With Taylor Swift, Billie Eilish, Harry Styles, and Dua Lipa, I knew it wouldn’t do much for me. But what I discovered during that brief foray into commercial pop was that music with bass was essential to really experiencing what the creators of the Groove Thing had intended.
All About That Bass
Courtesy of Groove Thing
As the instructions for the Groove Thing emphasize over and over, this isn’t a device designed to get you off or even necessarily give you an orgasm. Instead, the focus is on listening to your favorite songs while enjoying the ride or, more specifically, the sensations from feeling the bass and percussion of that music inside you. For me, those songs came from post-rock bands like Mogwai and Godspeed You! Black Emperor. However, as much as I can listen to those bands on repeat for hours, I can’t say that feeling the bass inside me was particularly enjoyable.
While I did explore a handful of songs and experimented with different volumes to feel varying intensities inside me, done via the dial on the Groove Thing, it didn’t take long for me to lose interest. You just lay there while the vaginal (or anal) attachment bounces against your G-spot (or P-spot) to the beat of whatever song is on. The motor is also quite noisy, which I found distracting. This could be ironed out with the finished product.
While it’s not something for me, I can see how this type of sex toy, which emphasizes musical pleasure, could be enticing for others. I have a mildly unhealthy obsession with music, but there’s a difference between that and wanting to feel your favorite song in your vagina or butt. I’ve never considered it, and now that I’ve experienced it, I don’t care much for it. It doesn’t help that the final MSRP is expected to be $275. That’s a lot of dough for a product that doesn’t even get you off.
If music and sex are intimately intertwined for you, the Groove Thing might pique your interest. But let’s make one thing clear—this is hardly the first internal music player. Plenty of others exist, like Ohmibod’s Freestyle G music vibrator, Lovehoney’s Juno Music-Activated Vibrating Butt Plug, or the Lovense Vulse. Groove Thing will say its vibrations are more dynamic, and maybe that’s true, but not enough for me to keep the tunes going.
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